I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
