I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
