Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
