I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
