If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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