FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
