dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
