Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
