i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize