PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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