So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
