The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
