Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
