More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
