So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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