I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
