I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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