I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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