how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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