I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
