dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
