I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
