Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
