I'm eating all of the evidence.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
