You work out of a Hotel?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
