I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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