All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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