Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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