Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
