Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
