I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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