dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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