the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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