it's not cheating when I paid for it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize