all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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