new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
