im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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