Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
