You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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