I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
