i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
