I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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