im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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