I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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