Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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