It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
