Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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