dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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