what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
