hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
