I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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