God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The ass gains better be worth it
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