who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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