we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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