Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
