My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
