dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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