All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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