Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
