apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
