Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
