i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
