Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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