i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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