Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
