Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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