i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
