I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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