no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
