I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize