"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
