It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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