I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have aggressive nipples.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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