for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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