Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
